Winter 2025
Thank you, Jerilyn, for sharing your time-tested wisdom with us!
Why are transitions sometimes so challenging for young children? (For those with little littles, put this info in your pocket because toddlerhood is not far off!) You might have heard young children referred to as “little cavemen.” While not the most charming label—considering how beautiful and tender they are—there’s some truth to it, and it relates to their brain development.
I’ll spare you the deep dive into brain science, but here’s the key: their capacity for reasoning isn’t fully “online” yet*. This means they rely less on logic and more on emotional connection and routine to feel secure. So how can we meet them where they are? Through a sense of rhythm and connection. (*not until around age 6 or 7 and even then, when they are dysregulated, logic and reason will not do and you must fall back on emotional connection and routine).
Here are some practical tips:
- Be present. Your warmth and engagement are key. Avoid distractions, such as phones or multitasking, during these moments. Eye contact, a smile, and genuine enjoyment make all the difference.
- Set clear expectations. Think through the sequence of events so you feel confident and can follow through consistently.
- Use repetition. Familiar songs and rituals create predictability, helping children feel safe and secure. Over time, they may even lead transitions independently (let’s envision this!!!).
What happens when your child doesn’t want to stop what they’re doing? This is where connection and presence comes first. Connect with your child before even attempting the transition. This connection might involve sitting down beside them, joining their play briefly, or making eye contact. Pause, step out of your head and into your heart, and simply be with them for a moment.
From this place of connection, you can gently guide them into the next activity—often with the help of a transition song (and if singing isn’t your style, feel free to skip it).
Release feelings of annoyance, frustration, worry, or doubt, and instead, “put on your golden crown.”Lead with confidence and warmth, trusting in your understanding of what needs to happen. If you notice feelings of annoyance arising, it’s a signal to take time to replenish yourself in whatever way works best for you. Don’t be hard on yourself.
If you have a strong rhythm in place, habit and muscle memory will often take over. There is something deeply satisfying about using a consistent cue—whether a song, a whistle, or a phrase—and seeing children respond because they know what to do.
Believe in your child’s capabilities and believe in yourself. If they test boundaries (as they will), remain calm. Follow through with equanimity, without taking the testing personally. Testing is simply how children gather information about the world and their role in it. It’s okay for them to be sad about not getting what they want or doing what they want. They are learning and you must be the captain of the ship.
Stay consistent. Adjust as needed, but don’t give up. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Over time, this rhythm becomes second nature, and your child will feel secure within the framework you’ve created.
