September 2024
It is one of a parent’s greatest challenges to remain calm in the heat of an intensely emotional moment with our child. There is no such thing as a “one-response-fits-all” to any child’s tantrum or meltdown, and we have to be calm and centered in order to know how to respond and help them find a solution.
Knowing triggers our own intense emotions and working to shift those patterns is a crucial step in preparation. It is also important to reflect on our own larger picture, making time & space to lead a balanced life. If we are depleted or overwhelmed, it will be much more difficult to remain calm. It is also helpful to read about child development. Knowing objectively where our child is archetypally growing helps keep perspective on these acute challenges.
Here are a few steps to implement during a tantrum or meltdown:
- Breath and connect with yourself. Try Sharifa Oppenheimer’s Heart Breathing Meditation. Or, find a mantra that suits you, such as Rudolf Steiner’s simple meditative phrase,“Ich kann das,” meaning “I can do it.”
- Help them ground and find a safe space to move through their feelings. Avoid over-talking. They need your physical presence and action, not your intellect.
- Connect with empathy and validation. Consider, “How is my child feeling right now?”
- Keep breathing as you remain nearby, offer physical connection, or seek activity such as taking a walk to move through the emotions.
- Once calm and connected, you are ready to find a solution. Consider the context of your day, “Are there any basic needs that were missed? What is my child dealing with in this stage of development? How can I respond from here?”
Remember, we’re all practicing. So if it did not go as you had hoped, forgive yourself! Our stumbles and striving are a gift to our children who are learning to struggle, too. Let the situation be contained. When it’s passed, consider what you might change next time, then let it go and find a way to connect again with love.